If Only
by Potassium1939.1
Summary: If only Scorpius hadn't fallen for Rose. If only he'd never even fallen for Lily in the first place. If only he hadn't gotten so drunk... Sequel to Because of Her, in Scorpius' POV.


**A/N: Okay, I know I said **_**Because of Her**_ **was a one-shot, but one of my friends (*cough* you know who you are *cough*) keeps pestering me to write more. I felt bad about giving all of you major, painful feels, so I decided to write a sequel. I can't promise it'll make everything go away, but it might offer a bit of insight.**

**Disclaimer: JKR owns everything but the plot.**

* * *

_Because of Her:_

_Lily POV:_

"_I _hate _you." I'd said, "I can't believe we're even related." _

_I looked back after I'd walked away. She hadn't moved, and I could see a tear shining on her cheek._

_And worst of all, Scorpius came out and out his arms around her comfortingly, and I felt so hollow as I remembered how he'd once done the same for me._

* * *

**Scorpius' POV:**

If only I'd known about my love for Rose sooner. If I had, we wouldn't be in quite so bad of a predicament.

I watched Lily walk away as I held Rose in my arms. I wish I could take away all of her sorrow, but in doing so, I would feel the same pain and so would Rose.

* * *

I can't explain why I fell out of love with Lily. She was the first girl I'd ever loved, and I guess I just got swept up in the feeling of her loving me too. I was going about my usual routine, and by that time we were about three months into our engagement. I'd kissed her cheek on my way to work, and when I was walking down to my office at the Auror department, I realized that the familiar tingle of kissing her, the spark, wasn't there. Maybe it hadn't been there for a while now, but it just wasn't _there_. And what scared me the most was that over the next few days, it never resurfaced. I tried to act as if nothing had changed, but the act felt blatantly transparent. I think she noticed how distant I was becoming, but she never said anything.

_Maybe she was too focused about the wedding to see the changes in my behavior_, I'd hoped to myself one day. _The wedding_. I had sat through hundreds of conversations about it since my revelation, but it'd never truly sunk in. I was getting _married_ to a woman I didn't love anymore. And the worst thing about it was that it was so obvious that she was in love with me as much as ever.

It was probably cruel to break the news to her on our wedding day. I still feel the shame. But in all honesty, it took me a lot of time to work up the courage to tell her. Ravenclaws aren't exactly known for their bravery. In fact, logic would dictate I should just marry her. I got myself into this mess, and now I'd have to face the consequences. However, I'd learned long ago that emotions such as love, and hate, don't have logic ruling them. You can't help what you feel. If logic ruled love, I would just be able to get over this whole thing. But feelings _aren't _controlled by the brain. I knew in my heart I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry a woman I simply didn't love anymore.

"Lily, can I talk to you?" I'd asked.

"Of course! Are you excited?" She'd happily replied, as she was adjusting her gown. The one she picked after painstakingly sifting through probably hundreds and choosing one that accentuated her eyes and complemented the chosen color scheme of lilac and silver. It pained me so much to tell her when she was getting her gown on- probably what should have been the most important garment she'd ever wear- I almost didn't do it. I almost said, "Absolutely. I just had to see you before you walked up the aisle." I could just picture how she would smile widely

and laugh, kissing me on the cheek, and then she would teasingly tell me to get ready, because she can't have the groom looking like he was found in an alley somewhere.

"Scorp? Are you in there? Hello-ooo?" she said, snapping me out of my daze. I actually hate that abbreviation of my name- it reminds me too much of the jeering nicknames the Slytherins called me in my early years at Hogwarts- of which was usually accompanied with a hex or jinx.

"I don't love you anymore." At this, she stilled, like this was simply part of a nightmare that she just realized she was in. "I'm sorry I waited this long to tell you, but I'd hoped the feeling would come back. I...I'm more sorry than I can say." _Not that I didn't try_. "But I can't marry someone I don't love."

I wanted to tell her that even if I didn't love her, I still cared, and that I would do almost anything to save her from this pain, anything but the one thing that would actually wipe the tears off of her face. Knowing I would give in if I watched her cry, I left.

Oh, I knew the kinds of names I would be called, how I might get beat up by her male relatives, letters saying hateful words about me after tomorrow's Daily Prophet article. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry her.

I'm not sure if I knew I had fallen in love with another back then, but I know now I had. It had all started on New Year's eve at the Burrow…

* * *

I'd had one shot of firewhiskey too many; I was clearly drunk. I stumbled over to a couch, noticing Rose Weasley, Lily's cousin, watching me with an amused smile on her face. "You're drunk," she stated plainly.

"Gee, how'd you come up with _that _conclusion?" I sarcastically shot back. After that exchange, we'd talked long after midnight about anything and everything. I can't say we, er, _associated_ with one another much during school; mostly I'd hung around with Al and the only contact I'd ever had with her was the occasional project and a few antagonizing remarks about all of her reading in first year, but now, as I was (slightly drunkenly) chattering to her, I was regretting it. We could've been great friends; perhaps even more, as I was looking at her beautiful auburn curls that reminded me of the setting sun and losing myself a little each time I looked into her deep blue eyes as she laughed at whatever witty remark Drunk Me made.

I should've seen the warning signs. The glaring, obvious ones that told me I was falling in love with her- _after one bloody conversation, snap the hell out of it! you have a _fiancé_! Who you love!_ But right about then, I wasn't quite so sure. I loved Lily, I did, but this...attraction I felt toward Rose was overpowering, almost. The urge I had to lean over and kiss her laughing lips was so strong, it had scared me.

Normal Me would've made some excuse so I could get out of there and stop before I would do that I would regret. Unfortunately for me, though, the alcohol I'd consumed had completely killed any inhibitions I might have had about Lily. At that point in time, I think I had honestly forgotten all about her.

"Would Miss Weasley care to dance?" I asked, with an exaggerated bow. _Wait, WHAT? You're asking her to dance when you KNOW this will be really bad?! What are you THINKING?_ my conscience screamed at me, but Drunk Me was very adept at ignoring the logic my brain was trying desperately, but to no avail, throwing at me. Somewhere in there, she must have said sure or something while I had been having an internal debate, because I unconsciously took her hand and hauled her off of the couch.

We danced. And danced. And danced until my feet were sore, and I'm sure hers were too, but I refused to stop. It felt so natural, so nice, to be dancing with her. We were having some random conversation about Quidditch when I saw Lily looking at me. Almost instantaneously, I snapped out of my daze and allowed my brain to take over, something I would have found extremely comical had it not been happening to me. I told Rose I had to go to my _fianc__é_ (I internally cringed) and she'd waved me off.

Lily had called me over to chat with Mrs. Potter about color schemes. The entire time I was wishing I could just go back and talk and dance with Rose.

* * *

Looking back now, I wish I had a Time-Turner to go back and slap me across the face.

Even if it had just been to tell Past Me to just break it off with Lily then so I could have even saved her the pain of being dumped on her freaking _wedding day_.

As it is, I don't regret dumping Lily. I've found the love of my life, I'm marrying her, and I'll spend the rest of my life with her, and maybe even raise a family.

I only I had never gotten involved with Lily in the first place. If I hadn't, I could have saved her all of this pain.

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**I'm thinking of writing a third in this series in Rose's POV. Let me know about that, and what you think of this story by clicking that nice button below the says "review."**


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